After my fight with Benedick today I am absolutely sure that I will never get married even if my life depends on it! I know that you and that young Claudio have something for each other but I just don’t understand how any woman can fall for a man. Men are such ignorant creatures and I shall never give my heart to one. You know that I would actually prefer to listen to a dog bark at a crow than listen to a man propose to me! I mean talk about Benedick I am absolutely sick of him! I am puzzled on how people do enjoy his company he is such an imbecile! Only the most un principled people could stand his company. (no bad intentions to Claudio and Don John) It’s like a bird chewed a worm and spat it back out the someone stuck red hair on it and then boom Benedick!
Now cousin just because I am saying such awful things about being loved by a man, my intention is not for you to doubt loving Claudio. By all means marry him and build a happy life with him! Claudio is such a fantastic man and lovely gentlemen too. I am happy with any man that brings a smile as wide as yours to you. But just be careful because men will break your heart! You will offer them your love and they will decline it only thinking about themselves. If Claudio breaks your heart trust me cousin, he will be killed if it is the last thing I do! No woman deserves their heart broken by a man! No matter how cruel the woman is or how nice the man is I just believe it’s disrespectful! I hope you would never keep anything like that from me!
Speaking of men breaking ladies hearts I am not sure I would bet all of my money on Claudio. I mean he is a lovely sweet man but he just gets persuaded very easily. He would probably believe he was a ghost if someone told him with a good argument to back it up! I am not saying to not marry Claudio but just take note that earlier this evening he was tricked into believe that Don John was proposing to me! See cousin this is why I hate men. They believe what everyone wants them too!
I must go now Hero but like I said remember how horrible some men can be and always be careful around them!
All my love Beatrice
Dear Don John,
I am appalled! Beatrice is so obnoxious! She is just so annoying words can’t explain! I know you saw today the fight between me and Beatrice. Why I am sure everyone did. She made such a big deal of it. I am sure all of Venice saw it. What a great way to come back from war! Am I allowed to put in a complaint for that wretched creature? Please your honour send me as far as away from her as possible. You honestly don’t understand how horrible she is! The words that come out of her mouth. She is a lady and I know that I am a man and I shouldn’t be disrespecting women but that that thing is not a woman she is a dangerous piece of work!
Now sir I am not saying that I totally disagree with loveIam saying that Beatrice is rude and disgusting and disrepectful respectful but even those adjectives are an understatement! I would not mind being in love but it would have to be a fantastic woman. She would have to have manners for one that is one thing Beatrice doesn’t have oh and she will also be able sing Beatrice sounds like a sick cat. She will definitely be rich for sure, wise and noble otherwise she may as well not think of me! She will be beautiful and have a good sense of humour now her hair - oh I don’t care what her hair would be as long as she is as I described!
Speaking of perfect women John, I haven’t seen you and a special someone in a while. Am I finally rubbing off on you? If I am that’s fantastic. Men shouldn’t give their hearts to women just yet. We are too young and just back from a battle so we deserve a bit of freedom don’t you think? Unlike Claudio who has got himself neck deep in love. Where did he go? He would’ve loved to go and appreciate something like good armour for example instead of staying awake at night sewing a new garment! I feel so sorry for the poor man we must fix him immediately, well unless you have other plans? I mean do you? I have seen Claudio and Leonardo hanging around with you. What is going on?
I hope you receive my letter soon.
I am so glad for you and Claudio! You make such a happy couple. I am so glad I am in love now. I can finally say it, oh it feels like Cupid has come and lifted all of these invisible bricks off my shoulders! Love is such a wonderful thing I know I didn’t used to think like that but since Benedick and I have confessed our love for each other! Oh I just can’t get over the fact that you and Claudio are a happy couple. Just like me and Benedick, you do think we are a good match do you?!
Love is like a new puppy! Or a flower blooming in spring. Oh I do not know how to describe love, do you? Love is not something that is forced. You have to choose your own love fortune, actually we need to talk about that. YOU set me and Benedick up. You forced us into thinking we loved each other. I should be mad at you but for some reason I am not I just love Benedick so much! He is so sweet and kind and caring and I feel like I can tell him anything.
Even though you and Claudio are happily married and in love I still don’t fully trust him. You do see how quickly he went from hating you to loving you? He is a great gentlemen and handsome as well but he is very strong minded. He is likely to break your heart again but he may not you never know. See with Benedick he is so kind and strong and I am sure he will whip Claudio into shape because that’s the kind of man Benedick is. Oh I do love him so much and I love being in love as well!
But listen cousin you cannot repeat the horrible words Ihavecalled Benedick. It will break his heart his poor beautiful heart. You can’t tell him I called him a horse, or called him cruel all of these horrible things I have called him! I regret it so much if he finds out he will break up with me almost instantly! Even worst he will probably believe it because of our horrible history! So destroy all evidence please I beg of you. I am so happy currently and I don’t want my pass to ruin it!
All my love
Dear Don John,
Okay I know last time I was writing to you I was asking for you to move me as far as away from Beatrice I could get but know I am writing to you because I would like you to make sure that Beatrice and I will never ever be apart until I die! You have to make sure of that because I am in love with Beatrice I feel so free to say that! I have been so certain I will never love her but I take that all back now because I am in LOVE!
Come to think of it, correct me if I am incorrect, but I am certain in my last letter I asked if you were up to something. You, Claudio and Leonardo set me and Beatrice up! You didn’t have to you know we were always going to do it we just needed a bit of time. We are grown adults and we do not need your help to set us up. I am not saying I am not grateful I think it is more Beatrice that is embarrassed than me if we were going to get technical! Oh I am stupid.
I still am yet to see you with a woman! Love is such a wonderful thing. Women are just amazing aren’t they? Well no you wouldn’t because you don’t know what love feels like lately. I am sure you would’ve have plenty of relationships when you were younger. I mean for crying out loud you’re the prince, women love royalty! I could easily set you up with someone, I mean you put me and Beatrice together didn’t you? So why don’t I pay you back and find someone for you. Actually that’s what I am going to do! Joy!
Beatrice and I had a conversation earlier today, we discussed how fate kind of forced us together. Even though your team and Hero’s team did most of the work for us, we thought that we have always loved each other we just didn’t know how to express this. Which reminds me you have to make sure that you never ever tell Beatrice what I said about her behind her back. The adjectives I used to describe her, well they need to stay between us and the letter I sent you needs to be destroyed.
Can’t wait to find you love!